High Giving/Low Expectations in Families of ADHD Kids - ADHD Dude - Ryan Wexelblatt

This is my response to a parent who reached out to me about her 17 year old son who is running their house.  He dictates when he will/will not go to school.  If his parents get frustrated with them he will "punish" them by not going to school.  His mother regularly cleans urine off the toilet, because he can't be bothered to clean it up himself.  Despite all of this he has a phone, video games, internet access, someone cooking & cleaning for him.  

This is a perfect example of "High Giving/Low Expectations", a term I use to describe parents who have very low expectations of their children, yet give and give to them, unconditionally. 

"High Giving/Low Expectations" in kids with ADHD is almost guaranteed to evolve into "adult-entitled dependence".   Adult-entitled dependence describes young adults who are highly dependent on their parents to support them, yet want to be an adult when it's convenient for them.  Another term for this could be: profound entitlement.

I strongly suggest you watch this video so you can prevent your child from becoming a highly dependent young adult.  When you're ready to take actionable steps, please check out Scaffolding Better Behavior & Self-Confidence, my Parent Behavior Training program (and the first one in existence specifically for parents of kids with ADHD).   Scaffolding Better Behavior is available at the ADHD Dude Membership Site.

My answer

Wš˜©š˜¢š˜µ š˜ š˜øš˜Ŗš˜­š˜­ š˜µš˜¦š˜­š˜­ š˜ŗš˜°š˜¶ š˜Ŗš˜“ š˜Ŗš˜§ š˜©š˜¦ š˜©š˜¢š˜“ š˜¢ š˜±š˜©š˜°š˜Æš˜¦, š˜·š˜Ŗš˜„š˜¦š˜° š˜Øš˜¢š˜®š˜¦š˜“, š˜Ŗš˜Æš˜µš˜¦š˜³š˜Æš˜¦š˜µ š˜¢š˜¤š˜¤š˜¦š˜“š˜“, š˜¦š˜µš˜¤. š˜Ŗš˜µ š˜“š˜°š˜¶š˜Æš˜„š˜“ š˜­š˜Ŗš˜¬š˜¦ š˜ŗš˜°š˜¶ š˜©š˜¢š˜·š˜¦ "š˜©š˜Ŗš˜Øš˜© š˜Øš˜Ŗš˜·š˜Ŗš˜Æš˜Ø/lš˜°š˜ø š˜¦š˜¹š˜±š˜¦š˜¤š˜µš˜¢š˜µš˜Ŗš˜°š˜Æš˜“". š˜š˜¢š˜·š˜Ŗš˜Æš˜Ø š˜¢š˜­š˜­ š˜°š˜§ š˜µš˜©š˜°š˜“š˜¦ š˜µš˜©š˜Ŗš˜Æš˜Øš˜“ š˜¢š˜³š˜¦ š˜¢ š˜±š˜³š˜Ŗš˜·š˜Ŗš˜­š˜¦š˜Øš˜¦, š˜Æš˜°š˜µ š˜©š˜Ŗš˜“ š˜³š˜Ŗš˜Øš˜©š˜µ. š˜š˜¦ š˜Ŗš˜“ š˜¤š˜°š˜Æš˜µš˜³š˜°š˜­š˜­š˜Ŗš˜Æš˜Ø š˜ŗš˜°š˜¶š˜³ š˜©š˜°š˜¶š˜“š˜¦ š˜³š˜Ŗš˜Øš˜©š˜µ š˜Æš˜°š˜ø š˜¢š˜Æš˜„ š˜µš˜©š˜°š˜“š˜¦ š˜µš˜©š˜Ŗš˜Æš˜Øš˜“ š˜Æš˜¦š˜¦š˜„ š˜µš˜° š˜£š˜¦ š˜¤š˜°š˜®š˜±š˜­š˜¦š˜µš˜¦š˜­š˜ŗ š˜µš˜¢š˜¬š˜¦š˜Æ š˜¢š˜øš˜¢š˜ŗ š˜¶š˜Æš˜µš˜Ŗš˜­ š˜©š˜¦ š˜®š˜¦š˜¦š˜µš˜“ š˜ŗš˜°š˜¶š˜³ š˜®š˜°š˜“š˜µ š˜£š˜¢š˜“š˜Ŗš˜¤ š˜¦š˜¹š˜±š˜¦š˜¤š˜µš˜¢š˜µš˜Ŗš˜°š˜Æš˜“, š˜µš˜©š˜¦š˜Æ š˜©š˜¦ š˜¤š˜¢š˜Æ š˜¦š˜¢š˜³š˜Æ š˜µš˜©š˜¦š˜® š˜£š˜¢š˜¤š˜¬ 1 š˜£š˜ŗ 1. š˜ š˜°š˜¶ š˜¢š˜³š˜¦ š˜¤š˜°š˜³š˜³š˜¦š˜¤š˜µ, š˜©š˜¦ š˜Ŗš˜“ š˜¤š˜¶š˜³š˜³š˜¦š˜Æš˜µš˜­š˜ŗ š˜°š˜Æ š˜¢ š˜±š˜¢š˜µš˜© š˜µš˜° "š˜¢š˜„š˜¶š˜­š˜µ-š˜¦š˜Æš˜µš˜Ŗš˜µš˜­š˜¦š˜„ š˜„š˜¦š˜±š˜¦š˜Æš˜„š˜¦š˜Æš˜¤š˜¦". š˜›š˜©š˜¦ š˜£š˜°š˜µš˜µš˜°š˜® š˜­š˜Ŗš˜Æš˜¦ š˜Ŗš˜“ š˜ŗš˜°š˜¶ š˜©š˜¢š˜·š˜¦ š˜µš˜° š˜“š˜µš˜°š˜± š˜¢š˜¤š˜¤š˜°š˜®š˜®š˜°š˜„š˜¢š˜µš˜Ŗš˜Æš˜Ø š˜©š˜Ŗš˜®, š˜ŗš˜°š˜¶ š˜©š˜¢š˜·š˜¦ š˜®š˜¢š˜„š˜¦ š˜­š˜Ŗš˜§š˜¦ š˜·š˜¦š˜³š˜ŗ š˜¦š˜¢š˜“š˜ŗ š˜§š˜°š˜³ š˜©š˜Ŗš˜®, š˜ŗš˜¦š˜µ š˜¤š˜°š˜Æš˜µš˜Ŗš˜Æš˜¶š˜¦ š˜µš˜° š˜Øš˜Ŗš˜·š˜¦ š˜µš˜° š˜©š˜Ŗš˜®. š˜›š˜©š˜¢š˜µ š˜©š˜¢š˜“ š˜¤š˜³š˜¦š˜¢š˜µš˜¦š˜„ š˜¢ š˜µš˜³š˜¦š˜®š˜¦š˜Æš˜„š˜°š˜¶š˜“ š˜“š˜¦š˜Æš˜“š˜¦ š˜°š˜§ š˜¦š˜Æš˜µš˜Ŗš˜µš˜­š˜¦š˜®š˜¦š˜Æš˜µ. 





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