𝗔𝗿𝗲 𝘆𝗼𝘂 𝗯𝗲𝗶𝗻𝗴 𝗲𝗺𝗼𝘁𝗶𝗼𝗻𝗮𝗹𝗹𝘆 𝗺𝗮𝗻𝗶𝗽𝘂𝗹𝗮𝘁𝗲𝗱 𝗯𝘆 𝘆𝗼𝘂𝗿 𝗰𝗵𝗶𝗹𝗱 𝘄𝗶𝘁𝗵 𝗔𝗗𝗛𝗗? - ADHD Dude - Ryan Wexelblatt

 

ryan-wexelblatt-adhd-dude-emotional-manipulation

Mary: 𝗘𝘃𝗲𝗿𝘆 𝘁𝗶𝗺𝗲 𝗜 𝘁𝗿𝘆 𝘁𝗼 𝗴𝗲𝘁 𝗵𝗶𝗺 𝘁𝗼 𝗮𝘁𝘁𝗲𝗺𝗽𝘁 𝘁𝗼 𝗱𝗼 𝘀𝗼𝗺𝗲𝘁𝗵𝗶𝗻𝗴 𝗶𝗻𝗱𝗲𝗽𝗲𝗻𝗱𝗲𝗻𝘁𝗹𝘆 𝗵𝗲 𝗴𝗲𝘁𝘀 𝗳𝗿𝘂𝘀𝘁𝗮𝗿𝘁𝗲𝗱 𝗮𝗻𝗱 𝘁𝗵𝗿𝗲𝗮𝘁𝗲𝗻𝘀 𝘁𝗼 𝗸𝗶𝗹𝗹 𝗵𝗶𝗺𝘀𝗲𝗹𝗳.
Ryan: 𝗛𝗮𝘀 𝗵𝗲 𝗲𝘃𝗲𝗿 𝗮𝗰𝘁𝗲𝗱 𝗼𝗻 𝘁𝗵𝗮𝘁 𝘁𝗵𝗿𝗲𝗮𝘁?
Mary: 𝗛𝗲 𝘄𝗶𝗹𝗹 𝗴𝗲𝘁 𝗮 𝗸𝗻𝗶𝗳𝗲 𝗳𝗿𝗼𝗺 𝘁𝗵𝗲 𝗸𝗶𝘁𝗰𝗵𝗲𝗻 𝗮𝗻𝗱 𝘀𝗮𝘆 𝗵𝗲'𝘀 𝗴𝗼𝗶𝗻𝗴 𝘁𝗼 𝗸𝗶𝗹𝗹 𝗵𝗶𝗺𝘀𝗲𝗹𝗳.
Ryan: 𝗔𝗻𝗱 𝗱𝗼 𝘆𝗼𝘂 𝗰𝗮𝗹𝗹 𝘁𝗵𝗲 𝗽𝗼𝗹𝗶𝗰𝗲 𝗼𝗿 𝘁𝗮𝗸𝗲 𝗵𝗶𝗺 𝘁𝗼 𝘁𝗵𝗲 𝗘𝗥 𝗿𝗼𝗼𝗺 𝘄𝗵𝗲𝗻 𝗵𝗲 𝗱𝗼𝗲𝘀 𝘁𝗵𝗶𝘀?
Mary: 𝗢𝗵 𝗻𝗼, 𝘁𝗵𝗮𝘁 𝗰𝗼𝘂𝗹𝗱 𝘁𝗿𝗮𝘂𝗺𝗮𝘁𝗶𝘇𝗲 𝗵𝗶𝗺.
Ryan: 𝗦𝗼 𝗵𝗼𝘄 𝗹𝗼𝗻𝗴 𝗱𝗼 𝘆𝗼𝘂 𝗽𝗹𝗮𝗻 𝘁𝗼 𝗮𝗹𝗹𝗼𝘄 𝗵𝗶𝗺 𝘁𝗼 𝗲𝗺𝗼𝘁𝗶𝗼𝗻𝗮𝗹𝗹𝘆 𝗺𝗮𝗻𝗶𝗽𝘂𝗹𝗮𝘁𝗲 𝘆𝗼𝘂 𝘄𝗶𝘁𝗵 𝘀𝘂𝗶𝗰𝗶𝗱𝗮𝗹 𝘁𝗵𝗿𝗲𝗮𝘁𝘀 𝘄𝗵𝗲𝗻 𝘆𝗼𝘂 𝘁𝗿𝘆 𝘁𝗼 𝗽𝗹𝗮𝗰𝗲 𝗲𝘅𝗽𝗲𝗰𝘁𝗮𝘁𝗶𝗼𝗻𝘀 𝗼𝗻 𝗵𝗶𝗺? 𝗛𝗼𝘄 𝗼𝗹𝗱 𝘄𝗶𝗹𝗹 𝗵𝗲 𝗯𝗲 𝘄𝗵𝗲𝗻 𝘆𝗼𝘂 𝘀𝗮𝘆 "𝗜'𝗺 𝗻𝗼𝘁 𝗳𝗲𝗲𝗱𝗶𝗻𝗴 𝗶𝗻𝘁𝗼 𝘁𝗵𝗶𝘀 𝗮𝗻𝘆𝗺𝗼𝗿𝗲."? 𝗔𝘁 𝘄𝗵𝗮𝘁 𝗮𝗴𝗲 𝘄𝗶𝗹𝗹 𝘆𝗼𝘂 𝗿𝗲𝗾𝘂𝗶𝗿𝗲𝗱 𝗵𝗶𝗺 𝘁𝗼 𝗵𝗮𝘃𝗲 𝘀𝗼𝗺𝗲 𝗮𝗴𝗲-𝗮𝗽𝗽𝗿𝗼𝗽𝗿𝗶𝗮𝘁𝗲 𝗲𝘅𝗽𝗲𝗰𝘁𝗮𝘁𝗶𝗼𝗻𝘀?

Mary was a single, full-time working mother to Jack, a 14 year old. Mary had fallen into a typical pattern I see many parents of kids with ADHD fall into:
Jack learned in elementary school that if he used learned helplessness and emotional manipulation he could avoid any non-preferred task. The result of this was Jack never developed the resiliency to persevere through non-preferred tasks, he was completely over-dependent on Mary to act as his executive functioning. Worst of all, he learned that he could manipulate his mother through suicidal threats.

Often, when parents of kids with ADHD stop enabling learned helplessness, kids "up the ante", by resorting to emotional manipulation:
"𝙔𝙤𝙪 𝙙𝙤𝙣'𝙩 𝙘𝙖𝙧𝙚 𝙖𝙗𝙤𝙪𝙩 𝙢𝙚."
"𝙄'𝙢 𝙨𝙩𝙪𝙥𝙞𝙙 𝙄 𝙘𝙖𝙣'𝙩 𝙙𝙤 𝙞𝙩."
"𝙔𝙤𝙪 𝙬𝙖𝙣𝙩 𝙢𝙚 𝙩𝙤 𝙛𝙖𝙞𝙡."
"𝙄'𝙡𝙡 𝙠𝙞𝙡𝙡 𝙢𝙮𝙨𝙚𝙡𝙛 𝙖𝙣𝙙 𝙞𝙩 𝙬𝙞𝙡𝙡 𝙗𝙚 𝙮𝙤𝙪𝙧 𝙛𝙖𝙪𝙡𝙩."

I've never met a kid who develops resiliency or confidence through parents using a permissive/indulgent parenting approach, enabling their learned helplessness or feeing into emotional manipulation.

𝗜𝗳 𝘆𝗼𝘂 𝗴𝗶𝘃𝗲 𝗶𝗻𝘁𝗼 𝗲𝗺𝗼𝘁𝗶𝗼𝗻𝗮𝗹 𝗺𝗮𝗻𝗶𝗽𝘂𝗹𝗮𝘁𝗶𝗼𝗻 𝘆𝗼𝘂 𝗮𝗿𝗲 𝗮𝗹𝗹𝗼𝘄𝗶𝗻𝗴 𝘆𝗼𝘂𝗿 𝗰𝗵𝗶𝗹𝗱 𝘁𝗼 𝗰𝗼𝗻𝘁𝗿𝗼𝗹 𝘆𝗼𝘂. 𝗧𝗵𝗮𝘁 𝘄𝗶𝗹𝗹 𝗴𝗶𝘃𝗲 𝘁𝗵𝗲𝗺 𝗮 𝗮 𝘃𝗲𝗿𝘆 𝗱𝗶𝘀𝘁𝗼𝗿𝘁𝗲𝗱 𝗽𝗲𝗿𝗰𝗲𝗽𝘁𝗶𝗼𝗻 𝗼𝗳 𝗵𝗼𝘄 𝘁𝗵𝗲 𝘄𝗼𝗿𝗹𝗱 𝘄𝗼𝗿𝗸𝘀, 𝗮𝗻𝗱 𝗮 𝗳𝗮𝗹𝘀𝗲 𝘀𝗲𝗻𝘀𝗲 𝗼𝗳 𝗽𝗼𝘄𝗲𝗿 𝘁𝗵𝗮𝘁 𝘄𝗶𝗹𝗹 𝗻𝗼𝘁 𝗯𝗲 𝗿𝗲𝗽𝗹𝗶𝗰𝗮𝘁𝗲𝗱 𝗮𝗻𝘆𝘄𝗵𝗲𝗿𝗲 𝗯𝘂𝘁 𝘆𝗼𝘂𝗿 𝗵𝗼𝗺𝗲.

𝗜𝗻 𝗦𝗰𝗮𝗳𝗳𝗼𝗹𝗱𝗶𝗻𝗴 𝗕𝗲𝘁𝘁𝗲𝗿 𝗕𝗲𝗵𝗮𝘃𝗶𝗼𝗿 & 𝗦𝗲𝗹𝗳-𝗖𝗼𝗻𝗳𝗶𝗱𝗲𝗻𝗰𝗲 𝗜 𝘁𝗲𝗮𝗰𝗵 𝗽𝗮𝗿𝗲𝗻𝘁𝘀 𝗵𝗼𝘄:
>>To not feed into "noise", learned helplessness and emotional manipulation.
>>To help kids feel competent through using purposeful recognition and praise.
>>To avoid the argument/reasoning/negotiation vortex.
>>To deal with serious issues like physical aggression & suicidal threats.
>> Use "affective calmness" to help kids develop better self-regulation.

𝗜𝗻 𝗘𝘅𝗲𝗰𝘂𝘁𝗶𝘃𝗲 𝗙𝘂𝗻𝗰𝘁𝗶𝗼𝗻 𝗖𝗿𝗮𝘀𝗵 𝗖𝗼𝘂𝗿𝘀𝗲 𝗳𝗼𝗿 𝗣𝗮𝗿𝗲𝗻𝘁𝘀 𝘆𝗼𝘂'𝗹𝗹 𝗹𝗲𝗮𝗿𝗻:
>>How to move your kids from prompt-dependence towards independence.
>>How to help develop resiliency to persevere through non-preferred tasks.
>>Learn how to "feel time" as a concrete concept, and transition from a preferred to a non-preferred task.

I encourage you to try free information you can find online or in books first. If those don't work, check out the FAQ of the Membership Site and learn why there are 1700 members have joined since it launched in June:

𝗬𝗼𝘂 𝗰𝗮𝗻 𝗰𝗵𝗼𝘀𝗲 𝘁𝗼 𝗯𝘂𝗶𝗹𝗱 𝘆𝗼𝘂𝗿 𝗰𝗵𝗶𝗹𝗱'𝘀 𝗰𝗼𝗻𝗳𝗶𝗱𝗲𝗻𝗰𝗲, 𝗿𝗲𝘀𝗶𝗹𝗶𝗲𝗻𝗰𝘆 & 𝗶𝗻𝗱𝗲𝗽𝗲𝗻𝗱𝗲𝗻𝗰𝗲 𝙊𝙍 𝘆𝗼𝘂 𝗰𝗮𝗻 𝗰𝗵𝗼𝘀𝗲 𝘁𝗼 𝗺𝗮𝗸𝗲 𝗹𝗶𝗳𝗲 𝗲𝗮𝘀𝘆 𝗮𝗻𝗱 𝗸𝗲𝗲𝗽 𝘁𝗵𝗲𝗺 𝗵𝗮𝗽𝗽𝘆 𝘄𝗶𝘁𝗵 𝘆𝗼𝘂 𝗮𝘀 𝗺𝘂𝗰𝗵 𝗮𝘀 𝗽𝗼𝘀𝘀𝗶𝗯𝗹𝗲.

𝗢𝗻𝗲 𝗼𝗳 𝘁𝗵𝗲𝘀𝗲 𝗮𝗽𝗽𝗿𝗼𝗮𝗰𝗵𝗲𝘀 𝘄𝗶𝗹𝗹 𝗽𝗿𝗲𝗽𝗮𝗿𝗲 𝘁𝗵𝗲𝗺 𝘁𝗼 𝗹𝗶𝘃𝗲 𝗶𝗻 𝗮 𝘄𝗼𝗿𝗹𝗱 𝘁𝗵𝗮𝘁 𝘄𝗶𝗹𝗹 𝗻𝗲𝘃𝗲𝗿 𝗰𝗮𝘁𝗲𝗿 𝘁𝗼 𝘁𝗵𝗲𝗺, 𝘁𝗵𝗲 𝗼𝘁𝗵𝗲𝗿 𝘄𝗶𝗹𝗹 𝗻𝗼𝘁.

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