๐—ฌ๐—ผ๐˜‚ ๐—ฐ๐—ฎ๐—ป ๐—ฒ๐—ถ๐˜๐—ต๐—ฒ๐—ฟ ๐—ฝ๐—ฟ๐—ฒ๐—ฝ๐—ฎ๐—ฟ๐—ฒ ๐˜†๐—ผ๐˜‚๐—ฟ ๐—ฐ๐—ต๐—ถ๐—น๐—ฑ ๐—ณ๐—ผ๐—ฟ ๐˜๐—ต๐—ฒ ๐˜„๐—ผ๐—ฟ๐—น๐—ฑ ๐—ผ๐—ฟ ๐˜†๐—ผ๐˜‚ ๐—ฐ๐—ฎ๐—ป ๐—ฝ๐—ฟ๐—ผ๐˜๐—ฒ๐—ฐ๐˜ ๐˜๐—ต๐—ฒ๐—ถ๐—ฟ ๐—ณ๐—ฒ๐—ฒ๐—น๐—ถ๐—ป๐—ด๐˜€, ๐—ฏ๐˜‚๐˜ ๐˜†๐—ผ๐˜‚ ๐—ฐ๐—ฎ๐—ป'๐˜ ๐—ฑ๐—ผ ๐—ฏ๐—ผ๐˜๐—ต. - ADHD Dude - Ryan Wexelblatt

๐—ง๐—ต๐—ถ๐˜€ ๐—ฝ๐—ผ๐˜€๐˜ ๐—ถ๐˜€ ๐˜€๐—ฝ๐—ฒ๐—ฐ๐—ถ๐—ณ๐—ถ๐—ฐ๐—ฎ๐—น๐—น๐˜† ๐—ณ๐—ผ๐—ฟ ๐—บ๐—ผ๐˜๐—ต๐—ฒ๐—ฟ๐˜€. ๐—œ๐—ป ๐—ณ๐˜‚๐—น๐—น ๐˜๐—ฟ๐—ฎ๐—ป๐˜€๐—ฝ๐—ฎ๐—ฟ๐—ฒ๐—ป๐—ฐ๐˜†, ๐˜๐—ต๐—ถ๐˜€ ๐—ถ๐˜€ ๐—ฎ "๐—ฝ๐—น๐˜‚๐—ด" ๐—ณ๐—ผ๐—ฟ ๐˜๐—ต๐—ฒ ๐— ๐—ฒ๐—บ๐—ฏ๐—ฒ๐—ฟ๐˜€๐—ต๐—ถ๐—ฝ ๐—ฆ๐—ถ๐˜๐—ฒ ๐—ฎ๐—ป๐—ฑ ๐˜๐—ต๐—ฒ ๐—ถ๐—ป๐—ณ๐—ผ๐—ฟ๐—บ๐—ฎ๐˜๐—ถ๐—ผ๐—ป ๐—ถ๐˜€ ๐—ถ๐—บ๐—ฝ๐—ผ๐—ฟ๐˜๐—ฎ๐—ป๐˜ ๐—ฟ๐—ฒ๐—ด๐—ฎ๐—ฟ๐—ฑ๐—น๐—ฒ๐˜€๐˜€ ๐—ถ๐—ณ ๐˜†๐—ผ๐˜‚ ๐—ฒ๐˜ƒ๐—ฒ๐—ฟ ๐—ฏ๐—ฒ๐—ฐ๐—ผ๐—บ๐—ฒ ๐—ฎ ๐—บ๐—ฒ๐—บ๐—ฏ๐—ฒ๐—ฟ.

Over my vacation I looked at some comments to posts on a popular ADHD Facebook page. What I read were a lot of comments from mothers who sounded despondent because their children were controlling their homes through their behaviors (inflexibility, emotional manipulation, threats & "noise"). This is not uncommon in families of kids with ADHD. In the education field the term for this is: "He/She runs his/her house."
๐—ง๐—ต๐—ฒ๐—ฟ๐—ฒ ๐˜„๐—ฎ๐˜€ ๐˜€๐—ผ๐—บ๐—ฒ๐˜๐—ต๐—ถ๐—ป๐—ด ๐—บ๐˜‚๐—ฐ๐—ต ๐—บ๐—ผ๐—ฟ๐—ฒ ๐—ฐ๐—ผ๐—ป๐—ฐ๐—ฒ๐—ฟ๐—ป๐—ถ๐—ป๐—ด ๐˜๐—ผ ๐—บ๐—ฒ:
The comments from mothers rationalizing kids' poor treatment of family members through using (not formal) diagnostic labels and the latest lingo from the disability field.
  • "๐˜๐˜ฆ ๐˜ฉ๐˜ข๐˜ด ๐˜ข๐˜ง๐˜ต๐˜ฆ๐˜ณ ๐˜ด๐˜ค๐˜ฉ๐˜ฐ๐˜ฐ๐˜ญ ๐˜ณ๐˜ฆ๐˜ด๐˜ต๐˜ณ๐˜ข๐˜ช๐˜ฏ๐˜ต ๐˜ค๐˜ฐ๐˜ญ๐˜ญ๐˜ข๐˜ฑ๐˜ด๐˜ฆ, ๐˜ช๐˜ต'๐˜ด ๐˜–.๐˜’. ๐˜ช๐˜ง ๐˜ฉ๐˜ฆ ๐˜ค๐˜ถ๐˜ณ๐˜ด๐˜ฆ๐˜ด ๐˜ข๐˜ต ๐˜ฎ๐˜ฆ ๐˜ธ๐˜ฉ๐˜ฆ๐˜ฏ ๐˜ฉ๐˜ฆ ๐˜จ๐˜ฆ๐˜ต๐˜ด ๐˜ฉ๐˜ฐ๐˜ฎ๐˜ฆ."
  • "๐˜š๐˜ฉ๐˜ฆ ๐˜ฉ๐˜ข๐˜ด ๐˜—๐˜ข๐˜ต๐˜ฉ๐˜ฐ๐˜ญ๐˜ฐ๐˜จ๐˜ช๐˜ค๐˜ข๐˜ญ ๐˜‹๐˜ฆ๐˜ฎ๐˜ข๐˜ฏ๐˜ฅ ๐˜ˆ๐˜ท๐˜ฐ๐˜ช๐˜ฅ๐˜ข๐˜ฏ๐˜ค๐˜ฆ ๐˜ธ๐˜ฉ๐˜ช๐˜ค๐˜ฉ ๐˜ช๐˜ด ๐˜ธ๐˜ฉ๐˜บ ๐˜ด๐˜ฉ๐˜ฆ ๐˜ค๐˜ข๐˜ฏ'๐˜ต ๐˜ต๐˜ข๐˜ฌ๐˜ฆ ๐˜ฐ๐˜ถ๐˜ต ๐˜ต๐˜ฉ๐˜ฆ ๐˜ต๐˜ณ๐˜ข๐˜ด๐˜ฉ."
  • "๐˜๐˜ฆ'๐˜ด ๐˜ฎ๐˜ข๐˜ด๐˜ฌ๐˜ช๐˜ฏ๐˜จ ๐˜ข๐˜ญ๐˜ญ ๐˜ฅ๐˜ข๐˜บ ๐˜ข๐˜ต ๐˜ด๐˜ค๐˜ฉ๐˜ฐ๐˜ฐ๐˜ญ, ๐˜ฉ๐˜ฆ ๐˜ค๐˜ข๐˜ฏ ๐˜ฃ๐˜ฆ ๐˜ฉ๐˜ช๐˜ฎ๐˜ด๐˜ฆ๐˜ญ๐˜ง ๐˜ข๐˜ต ๐˜ฉ๐˜ฐ๐˜ฎ๐˜ฆ ๐˜ธ๐˜ฉ๐˜ช๐˜ค๐˜ฉ ๐˜ช๐˜ด ๐˜ธ๐˜ฉ๐˜บ ๐˜ฉ๐˜ฆ ๐˜ต๐˜ฆ๐˜ญ๐˜ญ๐˜ด ๐˜ฎ๐˜ฆ ๐˜ต๐˜ฐ ๐˜จ๐˜ฐ ๐˜ข๐˜ธ๐˜ข๐˜บ ๐˜ธ๐˜ฉ๐˜ฆ๐˜ฏ ๐˜ ๐˜ข๐˜ด๐˜ฌ ๐˜ต๐˜ณ๐˜บ ๐˜ต๐˜ฐ ๐˜ข๐˜ด๐˜ฌ ๐˜ฉ๐˜ช๐˜ฎ ๐˜ข๐˜ฏ๐˜บ๐˜ต๐˜ฉ๐˜ช๐˜ฏ๐˜จ."
When you protect your child from discomfort, when you rationalize poor treatment of family members and do not hold them accountable for their actions you are treating them as infants. The problem is that they are children or teenagers, not infants. ๐™„๐™ฉ ๐™™๐™š๐™ฃ๐™ž๐™š๐™จ ๐™ฉ๐™๐™š๐™ข ๐™ค๐™ฅ๐™ฅ๐™ค๐™ง๐™ฉ๐™ช๐™ฃ๐™ž๐™ฉ๐™ž๐™š๐™จ ๐™ฉ๐™ค ๐™ก๐™š๐™–๐™ง๐™ฃ ๐™–๐™—๐™ค๐™ช๐™ฉ ๐™ฉ๐™๐™š๐™ข๐™จ๐™š๐™ก๐™ซ๐™š๐™จ, ๐™๐™ค๐™ฌ ๐™ฉ๐™ค ๐™œ๐™ž๐™ซ๐™š ๐™ž๐™ฃ ๐™ง๐™š๐™ก๐™–๐™ฉ๐™ž๐™ค๐™ฃ๐™จ๐™๐™ž๐™ฅ๐™จ, ๐™–๐™ฃ๐™™ ๐™๐™ค๐™ฌ ๐™ฉ๐™ค ๐™›๐™ช๐™ฃ๐™˜๐™ฉ๐™ž๐™ค๐™ฃ ๐™ž๐™ฃ ๐™– ๐™ฌ๐™ค๐™ง๐™ก๐™™ ๐™ฉ๐™๐™–๐™ฉ ๐™ฌ๐™ž๐™ก๐™ก ๐™ฃ๐™ค๐™ฉ ๐™ค๐™ซ๐™š๐™ง๐™ฅ๐™ง๐™ค๐™ฉ๐™š๐™˜๐™ฉ ๐™ฉ๐™๐™š๐™ข. I have seen this dynamic in young adults who were completely unequipped to deal with life after high school, and sometimes after graduating from college.
๐—ช๐—ต๐—ฒ๐—ป ๐—ฝ๐—ฎ๐—ฟ๐—ฒ๐—ป๐˜๐˜€ rationalize ๐˜๐—ต๐—ฒ๐—ถ๐—ฟ ๐—ฐ๐—ต๐—ถ๐—น๐—ฑ'๐˜€ ๐—ฝ๐—ฟ๐—ผ๐—ฏ๐—น๐—ฒ๐—บ๐—ฎ๐˜๐—ถ๐—ฐ ๐—ฏ๐—ฒ๐—ต๐—ฎ๐˜ƒ๐—ถ๐—ผ๐—ฟ๐˜€ ๐˜„๐—ถ๐˜๐—ต ๐˜๐—ต๐—ฒ ๐—น๐—ฎ๐˜๐—ฒ๐˜€๐˜ ๐—ฑ๐—ถ๐—ฎ๐—ด๐—ป๐—ผ๐˜€๐˜๐—ถ๐—ฐ ๐—น๐—ฎ๐—ฏ๐—ฒ๐—น๐˜€ ๐—ฎ๐—ป๐—ฑ ๐—น๐—ถ๐—ป๐—ด๐—ผ ๐˜๐—ต๐—ฒ๐˜†:
1. Disempower them by treating them as if they're disabled. (I have yet to see any kid who has benefitted from his parents treating him as disabled.)
2. Infantilize him/her by sending the message: "๐˜ ๐˜ธ๐˜ช๐˜ญ๐˜ญ ๐˜ต๐˜ณ๐˜ฆ๐˜ข๐˜ต ๐˜บ๐˜ฐ๐˜ถ ๐˜ข๐˜ด ๐˜ช๐˜ง ๐˜บ๐˜ฐ๐˜ถ'๐˜ณ๐˜ฆ ๐˜ข๐˜ฏ ๐˜ช๐˜ฏ๐˜ง๐˜ข๐˜ฏ๐˜ต, ๐˜ฃ๐˜ฆ๐˜ค๐˜ข๐˜ถ๐˜ด๐˜ฆ ๐˜ ๐˜ฅ๐˜ฐ๐˜ฏ'๐˜ต ๐˜ฉ๐˜ข๐˜ท๐˜ฆ ๐˜ข๐˜ฏ๐˜บ ๐˜ค๐˜ฐ๐˜ฏ๐˜ง๐˜ช๐˜ฅ๐˜ฆ๐˜ฏ๐˜ค๐˜ฆ ๐˜ช๐˜ฏ ๐˜บ๐˜ฐ๐˜ถ๐˜ณ ๐˜ข๐˜ฃ๐˜ช๐˜ญ๐˜ช๐˜ต๐˜บ ๐˜ต๐˜ฐ ๐˜ฆ๐˜น๐˜ฉ๐˜ช๐˜ฃ๐˜ช๐˜ต ๐˜ฎ๐˜ฐ๐˜ณ๐˜ฆ ๐˜ข๐˜จ๐˜ฆ-๐˜ข๐˜ฑ๐˜ฑ๐˜ณ๐˜ฐ๐˜ฑ๐˜ณ๐˜ช๐˜ข๐˜ต๐˜ฆ ๐˜ฃ๐˜ฆ๐˜ฉ๐˜ข๐˜ท๐˜ช๐˜ฐ๐˜ณ๐˜ด.."
3. Deny them they ability to develop resiliency, problem solving skills and the self-confidence that comes from recognizing one's ability to get through challenges.
Most kids with ADHD are concrete thinkers, they are most successful at home when expectations are clear, when their parents use ๐˜ข๐˜ง๐˜ง๐˜ฆ๐˜ค๐˜ต๐˜ช๐˜ท๐˜ฆ ๐˜ค๐˜ข๐˜ญ๐˜ฎ๐˜ฏ๐˜ฆ๐˜ด๐˜ด combined with accountability, constructive discipline and purposeful praise. They need to know their parents are in control, and to know there are limits. This is what helps kids feel emotionally safe. This should make sense as decades of research has shown that authoritative parenting is the most effective parenting style to raise kids who will become well-adjusted young adults.
The present culture of enabling and infantilizing kids with neurodevelopmental challenges goes against decades of research. It is one that arose through some mothers and professionals validating and normalizing this parenting approach through social media. Overprotecting feelings, enabling and infantilizing any kid offers no long-term benefit. For kids with ADHD, the long-term outcome is that it can make their life after high school very difficult for them. Yes, fathers can contribute to this as well.
๐—ฌ๐—ผ๐˜‚ ๐—ฐ๐—ฎ๐—ป ๐—ฒ๐—ถ๐˜๐—ต๐—ฒ๐—ฟ ๐—ฝ๐—ฟ๐—ฒ๐—ฝ๐—ฎ๐—ฟ๐—ฒ ๐˜†๐—ผ๐˜‚๐—ฟ ๐—ฐ๐—ต๐—ถ๐—น๐—ฑ ๐—ณ๐—ผ๐—ฟ ๐˜๐—ต๐—ฒ ๐˜„๐—ผ๐—ฟ๐—น๐—ฑ ๐—ผ๐—ฟ ๐˜†๐—ผ๐˜‚ ๐—ฐ๐—ฎ๐—ป ๐—ฝ๐—ฟ๐—ผ๐˜๐—ฒ๐—ฐ๐˜ ๐˜๐—ต๐—ฒ๐—ถ๐—ฟ ๐—ณ๐—ฒ๐—ฒ๐—น๐—ถ๐—ป๐—ด๐˜€ ๐—ฏ๐˜‚๐˜ ๐˜†๐—ผ๐˜‚ ๐—ฐ๐—ฎ๐—ป'๐˜ ๐—ฑ๐—ผ ๐—ฏ๐—ผ๐˜๐—ต. ๐—ฌ๐—ผ๐˜‚'๐—น๐—น ๐—ต๐—ฎ๐˜ƒ๐—ฒ ๐˜๐—ผ ๐—บ๐—ฎ๐—ธ๐—ฒ ๐—ฎ ๐—ฑ๐—ฒ๐—ฐ๐—ถ๐˜€๐—ถ๐—ผ๐—ป. ๐—ข๐—ป๐—ฒ ๐—ผ๐—ณ ๐˜๐—ต๐—ฒ๐˜€๐—ฒ ๐—ฐ๐—ต๐—ผ๐—ถ๐—ฐ๐—ฒ๐˜€ ๐—ถ๐˜€ ๐—ฏ๐—ฎ๐˜€๐—ฒ๐—ฑ ๐—ผ๐—ป ๐—ฎ ๐—น๐—ผ๐—ป๐—ด-๐˜๐—ฒ๐—ฟ๐—บ ๐—ด๐—ผ๐—ฎ๐—น, ๐˜๐—ต๐—ฒ ๐—ผ๐˜๐—ต๐—ฒ๐—ฟ ๐—ถ๐˜€ ๐—ฏ๐—ฎ๐˜€๐—ฒ๐—ฑ ๐—ผ๐—ป ๐˜†๐—ผ๐˜‚๐—ฟ ๐—ฒ๐—บ๐—ผ๐˜๐—ถ๐—ผ๐—ป๐˜€.
๐—œ๐—ป ๐—ฆ๐—ฐ๐—ฎ๐—ณ๐—ณ๐—ผ๐—น๐—ฑ๐—ถ๐—ป๐—ด ๐—•๐—ฒ๐˜๐˜๐—ฒ๐—ฟ ๐—•๐—ฒ๐—ต๐—ฎ๐˜ƒ๐—ถ๐—ผ๐—ฟ & ๐—ฆ๐—ฒ๐—น๐—ณ-๐—–๐—ผ๐—ป๐—ณ๐—ถ๐—ฑ๐—ฒ๐—ป๐—ฐ๐—ฒ, (๐˜๐—ต๐—ฒ ๐—ณ๐—ถ๐—ฟ๐˜€๐˜ ๐—ฃ๐—ฎ๐—ฟ๐—ฒ๐—ป๐˜ ๐—•๐—ฒ๐—ต๐—ฎ๐˜ƒ๐—ถ๐—ผ๐—ฟ ๐— ๐—ฎ๐—ป๐—ฎ๐—ด๐—ฒ๐—บ๐—ฒ๐—ป๐˜ ๐—ฝ๐—ฟ๐—ผ๐—ด๐—ฟ๐—ฎ๐—บ ๐—ณ๐—ผ๐—ฟ ๐—ฝ๐—ฎ๐—ฟ๐—ฒ๐—ป๐˜๐˜€ ๐—ผ๐—ณ ๐—ธ๐—ถ๐—ฑ๐˜€ ๐˜„๐—ถ๐˜๐—ต ๐—”๐——๐—›๐——) ๐—œ ๐—ฒ๐—บ๐—ฝ๐—ผ๐˜„๐—ฒ๐—ฟ ๐˜†๐—ผ๐˜‚ ๐˜„๐—ถ๐˜๐—ต ๐˜€๐˜๐—ฟ๐—ฎ๐˜๐—ฒ๐—ด๐—ถ๐—ฒ๐˜€ ๐˜๐—ผ:
๐Ÿ’ชStep into your parental authority for your kids' benefit.
๐Ÿ’ชHow to not respond to "noise', learned helplessness or emotional manipulation.
๐Ÿ’ชCultivate flexibility and not accommodate inflexibility.
๐Ÿ’ชTeach your kids how to make amends when they've treated family members poorly, rather than useless punishments that do not teach anything.
๐Ÿ’ชAvoid getting pulled into the "argument/negotiation vortex"
๐Ÿ’ชCreate "scaffolding" for age-appropriate rules & expectations at home
๐Ÿ’ชDeal with serious issues like physical aggression, suicidal threats, etc.

I have been touched by all of the families who have shared with me how the strategies in the series have made life at home easier for their families, and helped their children feel successful.
๐—Ÿ๐—ฒ๐—ฎ๐—ฟ๐—ป ๐—บ๐—ผ๐—ฟ๐—ฒ: https://www.adhddudecourses.com/FAQs
ryan-wexelblatt-adhd-dude-membership-site-behavior-webinar






Comments