In Cognitive Behavior Therapy there is a term "thought distortion" which is a thought that is not based in facts and causes emotional distress.
The idea that parents can protect their child's self-esteem through protecting them from discomfort (and in many cases, reality) is a major thought distortion that I hear regularly from parents of kids with ADHD.
Throughout my career, I've found the outgrowth of this thought distortion include:
-Kids who behave profoundly immature at home, yet not at school.
-Viewing anyone who holds them accountable as a "bad guy", such as teachers.
-Kids who do not recognize their ability to engage in independent problem solving and self-advocacy.
-Significant over-dependence on parents or parent/child co-dependence.
-Inflexibility towards new experiences.
-Lack of confidence in their potential.
-Anxiety is accommodated, which causes anxiety to grow.
This is not something I've ever read in a book yet it's something I've witnessed for years, and have had countless conversations about with people who work with kids with neurodevelopmental challenges.
This is a topic that I believe professional shy away from, out of fear of offending parents.
I believe that all parents are doing the best they can at any given moment, with the information they have, which is why I feel it's important to share my professional experience.
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